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Wednesday, 09 May 2007

  • i forgot about xanga.

    my picture makes me laugh every time i see it. and cringe. that was an interesting/fun/weird night. sometimes i miss nights like that.

    i don't miss people who are wrapped up in themselves and don't try to make time for others. it used to hurt my feelings because i was really sensitive, but anymore, i could care less. the ones i need are there. i don't need any others.

    work is like 3 jobs wrapped up in one and getting paid for half of one. thank you catholic school system. i like being busy but someone took that and blew it out of proportion.

    i get to ride a horse tomorrow.

    i don't really know why i'm writing in here. i haven't in a long time. i have no need to. i barely check anything online anymore. i don't even get to my emails every day. it's interesting because 2 years ago, i was constantly checking anything i had online to see if someone left me a message. and now it's the complete opposite. oh well. no more wasting time. i mean i only have 3 hours to amuse myself at school until our meeting. i hope there aren't any more late nights after this. 3 in a row is too much for me.

Saturday, 17 March 2007

  • i will:
    -lose 20 or more pounds in 10 weeks
    -be happy every day
    -find a job
    -be positive
    -work hard
    -always love you
    -save money
    -learn to love myself again
    -find more time for my friends
    -get these kids to learn something
    -make at least one person happy each day
    -not stress over things i have no control of
    -be a better me

Saturday, 27 May 2006

  • wednesday night i was sitting in the garage having a beer with pappap and we kept hearing loud music coming through the woods from the direction of penn state. i could tell it was a band and not a dj so i said i was gonna go for a walk to see what was going on. so i took a nice walk through the woods, well what's left of them anyway, and saw nothing going on at the college, but across the way at damon's there was a biker night. it made me laugh but the music was so good that i was drawn to it and couldn't turn back. so i started walking down and ended up running into my troublemaker of a cousin on the way. we stuck out like sore thumbs but were accepted quickly by all. we even made some new friends, although it's not something i can tell bern about haha. but everyone was really cool and we had a few drinks, shared a few stories and lots of laughs, and just enjoyed the music and the company. i wasn't there long but it was really a lot of fun. and i really surprised myself by even going. i mean, come on, when was the last time you would picture me at a biker event? i'm guessing probably next to never. but it was fun and cool to be in a different environment and meet new people.

    the walk back was probably the best part, though. while i crossed through campus, i was laughing to myself at how random and ridiculous the previous 2 hours or so had been. and then i heard some noises in the woods so i stopped to listen. i wasn't sure what it was, some kind of animal, but it sounded hurt and i felt really bad for it. of course, being me, i looked around to see if i could find it, but had no luck. so i just stopped and prayed. i don't know why i did. i haven't been feeling very much a part of my faith lately, even though i work in a catholic school now. but for some reason prayer has become stronger. i never was big on praying a lot, but now i find myself doing it more often. so as i was saying a short prayer i noticed some deer eating up in the clearing by the power lines. so i took a walk to my rock and sat down and watched them while i could see the sun setting in the valley on the other side of the mountain.

    everything seemed so surreal. i've never had a moment where i felt so close to nature like that, but it was amazing and, for whatever reason, i started noticing more and more around me than i ever had before at that same place. i never realized how soft the forest floor was. it might sound silly but just walking around in the woods up there made me happy. and of course the smell was amazing, especially since it had just rained that day or the day before and there was a slight breeze...yeah, it smelled good haha. and there were so many birds out singing away, making it sound so pretty. well what i could hear of them over the music anyway. and of course, there were the animals. i was only there for maybe 20 minutes but i saw lots of deer, birds, owls (ok i know they count as birds but i don't see them that often), a fox, rabbits, frogs, chipmunks, squirrels, a racoon, and i don't even remember what else. it didn't matter though. i love animals so seeing them all made me happy. i'm not really sure why i'm writing all of this. i just felt so grounded at that moment and so...alive. it's amazing how even though there is only a little bit of woods left and it's only a stone's throw away, it's a completely different world once you step inside. it's so captivating and refreshing. for as much as i love the beach...and you all know how much i LOVE the beach haha...i know i couldn't live too far away from the mountains either. looks like i'll be visiting my rock much more often while i'm living up there...

Sunday, 21 May 2006

  • one year ago...

    yesterday, i went up to dsu to see the kids graduate with ryan and emily. today marks one entire year that it's been since we walked through those same motions and laughed at spending so much money for a nice-looking piece of paper. it's really weird to think that it's been that long/short. when i think about it, the concept of one year is different with each emotion i have about leaving that place. with the good memories and emotions, it feels like we were just there. all of us. together. and then come the ok/bad memories and emotions and it feels like i've been removed from that place for much longer than a year.

    so needless to say, i'm not sure how i feel about having it be one year since i left college. i miss it once in awhile, but only certain aspects of it. my life now is so completely different that i really can't compare the two too much. one thing i do miss is walking around and knowing everyone you see, at least by sight, if not by name or by actually knowing them at least a little bit. it felt so nice to go back yesterday and be able to smile and say hi to everyone. i still do that all the time now. i guess that's just the kind of person i am. but it's different now because now there's no telling if that person will ever even come across my path again...or even care that i just smiled or said hi. and it was nice to be there with two of my best friends. it wouldn't have felt the same if i wasn't there with you guys. ok, in reality, it didn't feel the same being there anyway. campus has changed too much for that. half of campus feels like it did a year ago. the other half feels like a different world that we were never a part of. ok, well maybe a small part, considering the few visits we had this past year.

    no matter how i'm feeling about being an alum for a whole year, they were 4 years full of experiences and memories that i wouldn't want to change for anything. and, even though this can be weird to think about, they shaped me into the person i am now and pushed me down the paths that lead me to where i'm at now in my life. i'm not sure how exactly it happened or exactly when it happened, but i know it did. and though this past year started out full of trials and troubles, it lead me to the best part of my life. that's not to say that these past 5 months haven't had their share of not-so-happy times, but i have a different view on life than i did a year ago, or even a few months ago. life feels different now. life feels wonderful right now. and i want to live up every moment that i can. and share it all with you.

    that's one thing i will always owe desales for...it introduced me to my best friend.

    congrats dsu class of '06...i hope that you have found your best friend, too.

Friday, 12 May 2006

  • this can't be good...

    how many days until june 8?? i love my kids, i love my job, i love how nothing is ever the same...but i need a vacation. very badly. i can't wait for the beach...

    here's to one day living at the shore and teaching there...

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Pancakes440

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    • Name: Pancakes440
    • Location: Pennsylvania, United States
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 12/29/2002

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